Knots

Sometimes I find that words swirl around my head. They go around and around in circles, driving me insane, but as soon as I try to write them down, they freeze and won't come out.
Sometimes I'll spend hours trying to get them to talk to me, to tell me what they say, instead of crowding around in an emotional mess.
But they always seem to find their way to the pit of my stomach where they just become a knot of mangled letters and syllables that can choke me at any moment.

I find myself to be feeling really homesick. Not for home.
For the people of home.
For the idea of my old, safe, stable life where I could send a text and have my best friend come for walk with me while I worked my mind through the tangles; or call up another friend and spend a weekend with bad movies and ice cream.
To do that here would require friends that are close enough to even want to help or spend that much time with me.
I guess I took them for granted a bit. I took the idea of them always being at home with me as fact.

Now, one is serving the Lord in Japan
The other is busily becoming an architect, back at home
And I'm struggling through an Arts degree in the big city which is kilometres, hours, dollars and an ocean away.

I miss having an easy life, of not having to be a grown up and look after myself. They told me it would be hard, but no one mentioned how lonely and expensive it all is.

And it's depressing and miserable, and strangely, I love it.

Go figure that one out.

So Much For My Resolutions..

New Year's resolutions, right? Does anyone actually follow through with these?

I make them every year, and I stick to them for about two weeks and then they're out of the window, never to be seen again.

The same goes for normal resolutions, I JUST CAN'T STICK TO THEM!
Even simple ones, like exercising everyday or keeping my room tidy.

AND IT DRIVES ME ABSOLUTELY NUTS!!!

I need to find a way to stay motivated...

Some things I find easy though, like writing letters to people regularly and attending church, school etc. But as soon as I'm left to my own devices, I curl up with a book and nothing else is important, even if my bike starts to get rusty from misuse, or I end up with a floordrobe.

Any ideas, anyone?

All These Little Things..

I love the little things that pop out and make your day wonderful.

A smile from a stranger.

A busker radiating pure passion as they play their music.

A beautiful young woman walking through the city with her missionary badge.

Or even just an ordinary sunset or yummy cookies.

I've been reflecting a lot these last couple of weeks, really looking at myself: where and who I am now, and where and who I want to be. It's helped to put perspective on the way I look at school and family, and hopefully it's all positive.
I've been practising my cooking skills also. Like the sweet tooth I am, it's mainly been desserts: a mud cake, some different types of biscuit. My family love it, but I'm pretty sure if this goes on, we'll all end up with diabetes, and that's never a good thing... time to graduate to main course, I think.
My aunt has been giving me pointers, and like the true Queen of Salads that she is, I can make a pretty yummy spinach and shoot salad, provided that there's lots of dressing!!

Being 18 is strange. I thought I'd be a lot more hectic, have more friends, get invited to parties all the time. But it's the same at 18 as it was at 16 and 17: reading, writing, school. But I also have to try and figure out who I'm going to vote for in September... hmm...

But I love looking out for the little things, especially when I'm making the long commute between school and home. For example today, I saw a pair of sister missionaries from the Mandarin-speaking ward outside the library. They looked so joyful and content, that it really lifted my mood, especially after the very long and confusing lecture I'd just attended (Lacon, if you were wondering).
And on the train home, I was sitting on the opposite side of the train than I normally do, and so I saw a beautiful red bridge that I'd never noticed before.

It's nice when a little beautiful thing jumps out at you.. :)

My First Post (Is This An April Fool's??)

Well, well, well.
Here we are.
My first blog post thingo.

It's appropriate that it's the 1st of April today.

(Some things about April 1st:

-It's April Fool's Day! Was I a pranker/prankee? Unfortunately, I was not. Aside from the usual scaring people. But you know, that could be because I walk very softly. Or maybe just me in general. Who knows?

- It's a Monday. The first day of the week on the first day of the month. I do love it when little things like that happen. It makes me smile when I find them.

- I have watched the sixth season of NCIS today, almost in it's entirety. I am of the opinion that Tony and Ziva should be married by now, but I've still got a bit to go. And then four more seasons...

- Today, I said goodbye to one of my best friends. Not forever, just for two years as he goes to Kobe in Japan for his mission. He is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints , and is giving up two years of his young adult life to preach and teach the gospel of Jesus Christ. Needless to say, I'm going to miss him incredibly, but my happiness/excitement/being-proud-of-him-ness is greater than or equal to how much I'll miss him.)

Anyway.
Revenge is about to start (brilliant show, my aunt introduced it to me, evil woman xx) so I'm leaving my first ever post short and sweet.

Love, Peri